Photo by Stefan Steinbauer

Learning secrets after the death of a loved one can bring a lot of feelings that may require you time to breathe in and process information.

Cheryl Jordan Corriveau’s The Tangled Web follows Julia Stone as she tries to piece together different information and instructions for a secret her long-lost lover, Adam, left before he died. Julia finds herself in a rabbit hole, discovering one serious secret after another and putting her life at risk.

If you learn a secret after a loved one dies, what would you do? How do you process the information?

Sometimes, when a loved one departs, you can uncover several things you have never known before. There are secrets that are too personal for a loved one to share when they are still alive. This fact can also make you think of your own secrets you never told anyone.

Here are some ways to cope with secrets after death:

Prepare for Swirls of Different Emotions

There are different secrets that can bring up a range of emotions in you, especially if you thought the recently deceased person used to “tell you everything.” With this, you must always prepare yourself for the different emotions you could feel upon learning the secrets you did not expect at all. Moreover, you might discover other emotions that can leave you nonplussed because you are not familiar with the feeling yet.

Take Time to Process

Most secrets uncovered after death are the following:

– Serious debt

– Secret marriage and family

– Wealth

– Alcoholism and drug addiction

– Crimes

– Sexual identity

If you have just learned the information, you must give yourself the time to process it. Take a time off and feel what you need to feel. You can always let yourself think about your feelings and actions as you explore the emotions that could bother you.

Use Art as Your Medium

Coping with negative secrets is not always easy to do. Sometimes, you get to keep the secret before you become ready to share it with the world. If you are a reserved type of person, you can always use art as a medium to cope. A lot of people use art as a medium to explore and express how they are truly feeling in the moment. You can get a canvas and use all sorts of colors that you feel convey your emotions. Some people use theatre, improvisation shows, comedy, and songwriting as art tools to free themselves of the burden, no matter how positive or negative the secrets could be.

Write Your Feelings

Writing helps you lighten up the load you feel. If you are a wordsmith, you can always use words to express. You may write a journal, diary, essays, letters, stories, or poetry to help you explore the different emotions that make you vulnerable. Writing also helps you hone your lexical skills while searching for a specific word that will convey that certain feeling.

Find a New Angle for a New Relationship with the Loved One

Finding out secrets after death of a loved one can sometimes put you in a spiral about your relationship. Is the secret about an affair you feel like you can never accept? Do you plan to ignore the negativity and go on with your life?

When experiencing the negativity of a secret, you must find a new angle for a new relationship with the loved one and the other people connected to it. You may spend more time or less time with several people and examine if it makes you content. Sometimes, some secrets allow you to break free and find freedom from all the posing burdens.

Never Give Up on the Good Times

Secrets can surely give you surprises, but at the end of the day, love always prevails. You must still remember the good times you have with the dead loved one. With this, you can give yourself the peace of mind that you must experience.

Talk to Someone

Secrets can be positive or negative. Either way, you can always talk to someone to process your feelings. Your family members are always there to share the same experience. If the secret needs therapy, you can seek a therapist to help you cope with it, especially if the secret is an issue you must resolve quickly. Sharing your feelings will allow you to clear your mind and acquire advice on how you must deal with an issue or an ecstatic emotion.

Secrets are Not Always Negative

Sometimes, you may learn some secrets that may seem negative but actually propose a positive effect. This fact is a reason why you should always take time to process. Learning everything and processing it properly lets you think with a clear mind, pure heart, and good intentions.

Also Read: Women as Spies: Top Female Spies in Fiction You Should Know


Cheryl is an author and entrepreneur, born and raised in Florida. She has extensive experience handling several businesses after retiring from her 20-year teaching experience. Her businesses include real estate, aerial photography, commercial interior design, and boat dealerships. She has two published books: The Demanding River and The Tangled Web.

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